Funny of the day -- week of 12/27-1/3
You Know You're Getting Old When ...
| P | You get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. |
| P | Every time you think about exercise, you lie down til the thought goes away. |
| P | Your mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely. |
| P | You finally know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. |
| P | You finally get your head together, but your body is falling apart. |
| P | You just hang something in your closet for awhile, and it shrinks two sizes. |
| P | You've seen it all, done it all, and can't remember most of it. |
| P | You were just getting used to yesterday, then along came today. |
| P | You think you understand everything and then you regain consciousness. |
Words To Ponder...
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Success always occurs in private. Failure occurs in full view.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
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A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
Smart man + Smart Woman = Romance
Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair
Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage
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